Growing a Memorial Garden for Your Home

Talk with people who garden, and many of them will tell you they consider the time they spend outdoors digging in the earth, tending to new life — even plucking out weeds — as their form of therapy.

There is something restorative about gardening. And in many cases, it can do more than get us through day-to-day stresses: It can help us endure times of acute pain and loss.

A beautiful example of this is a memorial garden: a garden spot created in memory of a loved one.

The process of planning and creating a memorial garden can be a much-needed outlet. And once it’s set up, the garden becomes somewhere to reflect, pray, or meditate. A place to heal.

The power of dirt

The founder of the Association of Nature and Forest Therapy Guides and Programs, Amos Clifford, commented on the benefits of memorial gardens in a recent interview with the magazine Psychology Today. Apparently, the process of working with dirt is just as good for us as enjoying the garden itself.

“Spend some time looking at [dirt] and inhaling the aromas,” Clifford said. “Sift it through your fingers, then bring your hands to your face.”

This is about more than the sensory experiences of handling dirt, though even that can help center us. Some scientists believe microbes in the dirt do us some good as well. In fact, a study by UK scientists found that friendly bacteria in soil can actually affect our brains like antidepressants—by activating brain cells to produce serotonin, which acts as a natural mood stabilizer.

Grief gardening: a growing practice

The impacts of gardening don’t stop there, though. Gardening tasks encourage mindfulness: When we focus on what we’re doing in the moment, it can ease feelings of sorrow and anxiety. Establishing a garden routine can give us a sense of purpose, too. And then there are the mental and emotional benefits of physical activity, including reduced stress and improved mood.

There’s also a sense of accomplishment and a connection with the living world that comes from growing plants and watching wildlife, like bees or butterflies, draw close to them.

Essentially, gardening provides a therapeutic outlet for processing grief that fosters resilience and promotes overall well-being.

Planning your memorial garden

If the idea of starting a memorial garden sounds more burdensome than therapeutic right now, give yourself some time. You may find that it’s a better fit for you down the road.

If and when the timing seems right, start the planning process by making a few key decisions.

Location 

First, decide where you want your garden. The ideal spot will be a location where you can enjoy your garden undisturbed. Aim for a place that receives enough sunlight for the plants you want to grow and has good drainage.

Size and layout

Think about how much space you have available and how much time you can realistically dedicate to maintaining the garden. A smaller garden might be more manageable and less overwhelming, especially if you're new to gardening.

As for the layout, one simple plan would be to plan zones, including a central focal point (a tree, fountain, or sculpture), a seating area, and pathways. Try drawing a simple sketch that will help you visualize where each element will go.

Personal touches

Think about including items that remind you of your loved one. That might be a bird feeder if they loved birds or a favorite seat. Other possibilities include a memorial stone, an inscribed plaque, or a small statue.

Selecting your plants

Your plant choices will be highly personal. Beyond selecting plants suited for the light in your garden and your region, ask yourself what will give you joy and comfort. That could include flowers that remind you of your loved ones—or blooms that you’ve always loved.

You might want plants that attract butterflies like butterfly bush or milkweed. Or maybe you’d like to include plants with symbolic meaning. Rosemary, for example, symbolizes remembrance, while forget-me-nots are often associated with special memories.

Ultimately, if you create a space that becomes your personal haven, a spot that gives you peace, then your garden will be a success.